You can't out run stress

I've been monitoring an interesting topic on LinkedIn. Harvard Business Review used their group to ask readers to provide what appeared to be very simple advice: HBR wants your tips for managing stress! I intended to respond later that day. Later that day, there were several hundred responses. I decided that with that many responses, my opinion probably wouldn't add much to the discussion. As of today, the number of responses exceeds 800. I quickly skimmed the responses a few times, and saw that few people who responded to the request understand stress.

Think about physical stress. Let's pretend that your posture is causing your shoulders to be sore, and this in turn is making your neck hurt. The next logical step may be to visit the doctor, and have medicine prescribed to remove the pain. Just go with me here... there is a point to this. Maybe the doctor also provides us with a neck brace so we don't have to cause additional stress to the muscles. We return to work, comfortably numb, and continue to work. The physical pain is no longer an issue, because we've treated the symptoms. What we haven't done, is treat the cause. The cause in this case is your posture. If you treated the cause, your symptoms would go away. It's that simple. By treating the symptoms, we have allowed the stress to continue, and we can expect the damage to increase.

We've all been stressed at one time or another. Maybe we have an overwhelming sense of too much to do, or we have deadlines looming and it looks like we may deliver late. Or we end up working for a boss who has unrealistic expectations, and we are being pressured to do the impossible, such as giving up our home life for "the cause". Stress sucks. It keeps our blood pressure elevated, precipitating heart disease, unhealthy lifestyle choices, and a poor diet. It sends many people to the liquor cabinet, and keeps them glued to the television, watching escapist shows that in turn destroys productive hours that the person could have invested doing something meaningful. 

We are told by many experts that exercise is a great way to deal with stress. I'm not sure how that works. So if I have a crappy day, I'm supposed to put on my Vibram Five Fingers, and run a few miles? When I come back, all will be well. Or I can go to the gym, run on the treadmill while watching a 24 hour infotainment channel, and when I am done, I will be sweaty and the stress will be gone? If only this were so. No matter where you go, or how fast you run, there you are. Always there, stress and all. Exercise may help us sleep better and keep us physically healthier, but it doesn't remove the stress. It can also be helpful to provide us the space and time we need to identify the stressor and formulate a plan of action. But exercise alone won't solve our problems.

So how can we rid ourselves of stress? In my experience, the only lasting way to remove stress is to address the cause of it. In some cases we know what it is, and we're able to utilize tactics to change the situation. Other times, we may not be able to remove the cause of the stress, so we must resort to a different approach. We can shift our perspective, and by shifting our perspective, the stress no longer means anything. Or we can remove ourselves from the situation causing the stress, often by changing jobs.

A simple planning tool for managing stress

The above flow chart isn't something we should run through in an hour, a day, a week, or even a month. Earlier in my career, I may have quickly made it to the bottom terminator "Form an exit plan". Over the years, my perspective has changed, and with this change, I am more likely to utilize discussions with peers (or my honey) to make sure I am accurate in identifying the stressor. I also invest more time in shifting my perspective. 

Shifting perspective is a rich topic, and one I will delve into on future blog posts. It is truly the key to enjoying our lives. As humans, we often latch onto something negative, like a terrier holds a sock. We can't unlock our teeth from it. Stress originates here. Where our teeth meets the sock. Why don't we let the sock go?

What are your tips for managing stress? (Just kidding. We know there's only one way to manage stress.) Have you ever found yourself stressed, and as a result, made a poor decision that had a long term impact on you and your life? This blog supports anonymous posts, so no worries that you will be "outed".

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