The truth should be told through us, not by us

I was warming up prior to the start of a 5k a few weeks ago, elegantly clad in my Vibram Five Finger Bikilas. A guy near me saw my footwear, and started a conversation about how I liked them. He had seen some press about VFFs, but hadn't tried them yet. I related how I had run exclusively in the VFFs since my first run in them over a year ago, and how I had reset my personal record in a 5k twice since then. I'm 48 years old, so this is no small accomplishment.

After ridding myself of excess fluids, I stopped by my running club's tent. My club has serious runners. People who make racing their priority in life. I am not a serious runner. I just utilize running as part of my cardio routine, and race for the t-shirts. As we mingled, someone noticed my bright blue Bikilas. He immediately told me how he had tried them, had pulled a muscle, and never ran in them again. Some others also ruminated on how bad they must be for the feet. I tried to explain how much these freaky little things did for my running, but they had the walls up. There was no way I could breach their defenses. So I just smiled, and nodded my head. I don't debate zealots, unless I have time to kill.

As we lined up for the start, many people were staring at my shoes. A few people were poking each other and pointing at my shoes while whispering what must have been anecdotes of doom and pain. Of the 500 or so competitors, I didn't see anyone else in VFFs. I was a freak. I am a freak. Take in my freakiness. The race started.

This year I decided to do everything with a smile on my face. It's easy to run with a smile on my face wearing the Bikilas. As my smiling faced passed the first mile marker, I noticed the clock showed 6:07. I was faster than ever. I also remembered that I had a 7 mile run on my training calendar (doing my first half marathon in June) for the next day, and I may trash my body if I kept at this pace, even if I was smiling. So I backed off a bit. My next two mile markers had me more aligned with the pace I wanted in the race. I was racing as part of my half marathon training.

As I came to the last stretch, a proud father called to his son who was in front of me, that he was in 26th place. I eyed up the kid, and then looked at the guy in front of him. He looked about my age, so I decided that if I could take him and the kid, I'd be in 25th place. So I picked the pace up. The gray haired guy picked the pace up. I settled about 10 yards behind him, and decided that if I beat one person, it should be him. The kid was no competition for me. The kid made his break. The gray haired guy held his pace. I put a little in the tank, and then busted loose. My strategy was simple - if I passed him quickly, he wouldn't try to keep up. I had to open the gap quickly, and take away his confidence that he could catch me. Which is what I did. The kid looked back, thought I was coming for him, and took off leaving us well behind. I beat the gray haired guy by a few seconds (you can see him in black over my shoulder in the picture), and he was in my age group.

As my body and mind settled, I sucked in air as I sucked down water. My honey came over and gave me a kiss. I noticed my time at the crossing, and it was 20:26, which put me at 6:35 per mile. My previous personal record was 6:45 per mile, and on a much flatter course. I was pumped. The results were posted as the sheets filled. I elbowed my way in (sorry kid, didn't mean to hit you in the head), and saw I 'd won my age group. This was a first for me. I wandered some more, and then doubted that the results could be correct. I must have misread the scores. My honey joined me to read the results, and yes, I won my age group. I was a happy guy.

As I watched the awards, two guys stood next to us. One noticed my footwear, and asked how I liked the VFFs. I told him that I won my age category, and had set three personal records in less than a year. He and his friend congratulated me, and one said he had been reading about them, and until now, he hadn't been convinced. Now that he heard me, he was convinced. He was buying a pair.

The members of my running club were great, we had won most of the age groups, and had a strong showing. As I walked back into the crowd with my first place trophy, I heard someone say "Look at what he has on his feet. Do you think he ran in them?".

On that day, I told the truth of minimalist footwear through my performance, not just with my mouth. We can tell people what we know to be the truth all we want, but the best way to convince others of the truth we find in our life is to live the truth. People around us see the impact the truth has on our lives and learn from this.

This lesson applies to many aspects of life, whether it be religion, personal beliefs, or world view. Tell the story through how you live our life, not with just your words. Be the change you want to see in the world.

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Spreading Zen peace and love - via LiveMeeting

Strange things can happen when using applications on a business laptop. Years ago, I was at a trade show doing a live presentation to a group of prospective customers.The presentation was taking place in a trade show booth, with about 20 people seated, and many others passively observing from the aisles. I also had colleagues hanging around, watching my screen. I was in my element, excitedly showing off the cool new stuff we were developing for middle school and high school students.

As I was about to provide the attentive audience with the main point I was trying to get across, MS Messenger suddenly popped open with an instant message from someone I know. It went something like this... "Hey Bobballooey! What's happening? Remember the time we were at that party and you ...". I'll let your imagination fill in the embarrassing details. I cracked a joke, closed the application, and continued on - somewhat flustered. Some of life's most lasting lessons come from incidents like this. Why didn't I learn from this?

Knowing yourself is the most significant aspect of achieving any sense of happiness in your life. I came to this realization a couple of years ago. It wasn't an epiphany that smacked me in the head. It just slowly percolated up through me. This realization was part of my journey - one that continues.

I thrive in high paced environments, where there is a certain amount of energetic tension that permeates the atmosphere. The sense of urgency, and the shared challenge of meeting group goals keeps me engaged and focused. The downside of a high paced environment is that my operational tempo will continue to increase until I have what feels like electricity coming from my fingertips. I know that if I don't take a lunch break, and step away from the computer at intervals throughout the day, I can get so wired that I carry this home with me.

My honey recommended an application to help me remember to take short breaks throughout the day. Stillness Buddy is a software program that opens when the computer boots up. The software allows you to pick the intervals and select the theme for your relaxation reminders. They offer a free 14 day trial version you can download.

From the first day I installed it, I found myself being more productive. I also found myself leaving work feeling more relaxed and able to refocus my attention on the "life" side of work/life balance. For my theme, I selected a Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh. I chose him as my Stillness Buddy, because he looked relaxed. The choice was that simple. (As a disclaimer, the entrepreneurs who created this program offer an affiliate program, and I do not participate in it. So I have not been paid or in any way rewarded for endorsing this product.)

So where does LiveMeeting come in here? Many of the meetings I facilitate are conducted via Windows LiveMeeting, a desktop sharing program that resides in Outlook. So everyone attending the meeting sees my computer desktop. Lately I have forgotten to disable my Stillness Buddy prior to my meetings. Maybe I'm doing this purposely at some subconscious level, wanting to share the peace and love with my colleagues. Or maybe I just forget. I am a guy after all. My colleagues who are paying attention, and not multi-tasking, will often laugh, and some have asked "what's that?". I always brush by, and occasionally have sent information after the meeting about the software.

The intruder at my LiveMeetings

Last week I was recording a live demonstration of some functionality in SharePoint. I convert these recordings into "just in time" trainings, and post them in our training library for my colleagues to access when they need them. I am proud to say that not only has Thich Nhat Hanh been a participant in many of my meetings, but is also now living in cyber-perpetuity as a part of some of our training. I hope my colleagues appreciate the sentiments I extend to them, and may they find peace in all they see, and spread that to others. They should also breathe in and out gently, while half smiling. I also hope I haven't violated any copyrights as a result of this inadvertent capture.

Has anything like this happened to you? What would you think if you were in a meeting and this happened? Please share your comments below. You can post anonymously.

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Do the hard stuff first

Last year we moved from NY to NJ. We love our new home, and the neighborhood. Since moving in, we've spent lots of time discussing how to landscape our property. The property presently has a patio, and very few plantings that were thought out. So we basically have a blank slate to work with.

In need of a path

For now we want to install most of the landscape structure, with a goal of having the gardens ready on time for spring planting in mid-May. The patio is a nice size, and installed correctly. There are a stack of matching pavers on our property, and I plan on adding sidewalks in natural traffic areas, such as between the patio and the driveway. Sidewalks should always be installed where people will walk, they shouldn't be installed where we want them to walk. 

For this phase of the project, I wanted to maximize the use of the extra pavers, making sure I don't run out of material as I do the sidewalk, but also utilize as many as possible. So I dug out the area where I wanted to install the sidewalk, and removed enough pavers along the edge of the patio so I could make it look like a seamless transition from the original patio to the new walk.

My "draft"

Another area needing a sidewalk is the space between the driveway and the side door I installed on the garage last fall. This also requires removal of a Hydrangea to keep the sidewalk from being blocked. I will probably use a grass block, so water will work through the walk into the ground.

Now I have to find someone who will deliver one ton of stone dust. My next job will be to remove the blocks, dig the area out a few inches deeper, install the stone dust, tamp and level it, and reinstall the pavers. I am planning to have it all together by the end of this week, and start installing early next week.

The other walk area

Doing the hard stuff first, in this case, installing the sidewalks and structure, provides a sense of satisfaction. Once completed, the smaller jobs - like planting provide greater satisfaction. Life is like this. If we get the big stuff done first, we can enjoy ourselves so much more in doing the small stuff.

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Confusing judgments with facts

I don't blog much about work, since I try to keep my work life and rest of my life somewhat separate. I also have never succumbed to carrying a Crackberry for work, but that is the topic for a future blog. When we look at where we invest our lives, we will see that we spend considerable time on the job. So part of the pain that leads to growth occurs here.

This was painfully obvious in a meeting this week. We were conducting long term planning, and had worked in small teams to develop SWOT analyses around various aspects of our processes and environment. The team I was on had created a very comprehensive document as a result of our efforts. When it came time to review our document with the larger team, there were few questions. I thought it was a reflection of how well we had performed our work.

Until THE question. "Is this bullet under weaknesses a judgment, or is it a fact?". It was my written comment that was brought into question. I immediately reacted, and began to defend what I had written. I should have realized I was sleep deprived for a week due to a bad cold, and I was not myself. If I had realized this, I would have just answered the question. Instead, I launched into a rationalization of why my comment was valid.

After about a two minute diatribe (I was really not feeling well), I paused. Someone on the other side of the conference table stepped in to save me. "Maybe we can just reword this?" I paused for a moment, and sheepishly mumbled "yes, I think we can do that".

The pain of the exchange hit almost instantly, and I wasn't happy with how I reacted. I was also not happy about what I'd written. I am in the habit of doing an acidity test on my writing, because I do have a tendency to make a matter-of-fact statement when it may just be an opinion. Bullet Point Bob. I can also highlight the negative, when maybe the better approach would be showing the positive. This feeling of regret followed me home, and into my thoughts for a day.

I once heard someone make a comment about another person. I am paraphrasing, but it was along the lines of "that guy can tell someone they are full of crap and have them walk away smiling". When I tell people they are full of crap, they generally walk away pissed off. How can we point out a problem without it looking like a negative? Jack Nicholson's approach in "A Few Good Men" may be good for some issues, but this won't fly in the average workplace.



Life is messy, full of bad news, and replete with issues to resolve. My instinct is to tell people what they did wrong, or state the obvious solution, when the more mindful thing to do is help them see what a better solution may look like. I see parents telling their kids "don't do that!". When maybe the response should be "do this".  Many of us carry this need to correct others with us as we make life's journey. Robert's Rules of Order; it's not just a book that outlines the rules, it's part of my name. I fight the need to tell people what not to do.

It's hard to unlearn the stuff that causes us discomfort or pain, but I trust in the fact that humans continuously change. Our chemistry and brains are created that way, and I know that once we can identify something we don't like, we can continue to work on improving it. If we don't actively participate in managing the change, the change may actively manage us.

I work in a cube environment, and one of my colleagues and I often "prairie dog". I pose philosophical questions over the wall, and he answers them. We then discuss the topic, and others may chime in to assist, or sometimes to tell us (okay, me...) to shut up. Today he said something that is profound - "happiness is a personal decision". As simple as that. Happiness is a personal decision. So choose to be happy, have positive thoughts, don't judge (unless that's your job) and share with others how your enjoyment increases as you make positive changes in your life. We all need each other as role models on the journey. As we implement the changes, the pain of the learning goes away. Or the idea that pain goes away is my judgment, and not a fact. A question I shall pose over the cubicle wall...

Decisions that should make themselves

When I walked out of the doctor's office a few years ago, I was in a funk. I was a little overweight (okay, about 25 pounds, which meant I was carrying the equivalent extra weight of a bag of cat litter around with me), had high cholesterol, high triglycerides, and high blood pressure. My doctor handed me a bag of statin samples, asked me get another blood test in 30 days, and we'd meet again to discuss if the dose needed to be adjusted. We'd also discuss other medications.

I walked out thinking "how can this be?" I was physically fit, and a great runner. My Army Physical Fitness test results proved it! I exercised, but like anyone, I was subject to time constraints that kept me from staying regular in my so-called exercise routine. I was careful about what I ate. Okay, so I have a weak spot for dark beer, sweet potato fries, chocolate, chips, cookies, pie, cake, all you can eat buffets, and any food left unattended at work (not the lunches in the work fridge), and did I mention beer? But I really was careful in what I ate.

I went home and took my first dose. It was tough to do, since I am not a big fan of swallowing pharmaceuticals to solve my issues. I tried to convince myself that the meds were a necessary thing, and felt like age was creeping up on my 40+ year old body. It was a depressing time.

A few days after starting the medication, my body was in pain. I had back cramps, my body ached, I was lethargic, and couldn't get myself to exercise. The "excusinator" (the inner voice that keeps me from doing fun stuff) was winning the fight, and the pain I was experiencing was not the good pain.

While attending a symposium in Denver a week after starting the medication, I found that my back pain was so bad that I had to stand with my back against a wall during sessions. Chairs hurt too much. I was taking ibuprofen to dull the pain, but it wasn't doing much. By the second day, I called my pharmacist, and he said I should continue the meds, and call my doctor. I put the meds in my bag, and decided to reassess my options after my return home.

After returning home, I didn't contact my doctor. It was an avoidance strategy. A year slipped by, and I finally  returned to my doctor, and found that I had the same issues. She asked where I was getting my prescription from, since I hadn't been back. I sheepishly told her I hadn't taken them. If you continue doing the same thing, you will continue to get the same results. It kind of goes without saying. I left the doctor with a new supply of statin samples, and even more morose than my first visit.

After much contemplation, I was able to boil down the issue I was facing into a simple thought. I was being advised to take a medication that makes me feel like crap, so I could ingest things that weren't good for me, and avoid exercise. I had become part of the problem we face as a nation. I wanted to live my life as I wanted to live it, and didn't want to be responsible for the consequences. I also realized I was physically fit, but unhealthy. Fitness is related to exercising the structure, but health is how the whole system worked together. My health issues were a result of my lifestyle, which I was choosing.

Admitting that my health situation was my own fault lifted much of the burden from me. Now I had to make decisions on how to take back control of my health. My honey recommended that I stop drinking alcohol for a month, watch my diet, and get my blood tested again. She thought that the alcohol was driving up my triglycerides, and this was impacting my cholesterol. I wasn't convinced, but decided I'd stop drinking for a month anyway. This wouldn't be the first time I disagreed with her to later find out she was right. I also started to exercise regularly.

A couple of weeks later we were at Lake Placid to go cross country skiing. As I was pulling my day pack from our rear seat, the driver of the Toyota Sequoia parked next to us backed his mechanical behemoth out, swung the turn wide, and bent our car door around my left leg. The car sustained $1,000 of damage. I ended up on crutches with a compression injury to my knee. My exercise stopped, my spirits fell, but I didn't drink. I resolved that as soon as I could, I'd get back to exercising, and get my blood checked. I recovered from the incident (or at least as far as I can recover), and got my fitness routine back on track. I hadn't had any alcohol in months, and didn't miss it. Alcohol was a thing of the past, and I counted the days without it. (Today is day 383, thank you for asking, and no, I am not in a 12 step program.)

I also made radical changes in my diet, dropping fat, reading restaurant menus online before going out to eat to avoid a rush decision, and packing a healthy lunch every day. A few months later, I had my blood work done. My doctor's first words were "Wow, this can't be right. You need to get another test, there must be a mistake". I disagreed, and told her of the changes I made in my life. She reiterated the need for another blood test. I pointed out my weight loss, new diet, alcohol-free lifestyle.

I am due to go back for my annual physical, and if my cholesterol is high, it will be my only risk factor for heart disease. My weight is down, and I check my blood pressure at every pharmacy I am near. My blood pressure is fine. I feel really good, and my enjoyment of life has increased exponentially. I have a new wardrobe.

In retrospect, the decision to live a healthy lifestyle should have been easy, and I should have been living that life on a daily basis. But when we are young, we don't know what we don't know. This decision should have made itself. Do you contribute to your health problems? Can you control the fork, or does the fork control you?

The balance between pleasure and pain

Balance is so important in life. I'm not referring to unfortunate accidents where people fall from buildings, although this balance is important (as you can see by the CDC data to the right). I am referring to the balance needed to maintain a healthy and satisfying life.

Pain has a place in our life. As a youngster, we learned that sticking our hand on the hot stove top hurts. From that point forward, we didn't stick our hand on a hot stove. Sometimes learning about heat related pain comes later in life, like the time I used a wet pot holder to take a tray of cookies out of the oven. My honey was saying "don't use tha..." which was interrupted by my "AAGGHHH!!" as the steam burn ripped through my fingers. She applied some ice, and explained how steam is created.

Another pain we experience is when our body sends signals to us that something is wrong with it. This can be related to some incident, such as hitting our thumb with a hammer, banging our elbow on the door frame, or stubbing a toe on the dining room table leg. I offer up these examples from experience, no gratitude on your part is required. I will guess that you have examples to add to this list.

Some of this pain is enough to send us to the medicine cabinet, looking for the Ibuprofen, or in some extreme cases, the left over bottle of Codeine from the last time we had a real pain and the doctor prescribed something for it. If this fails, we call the doctor, and make an appointment.

This is a logical and normal way to deal with pain, and we hope this doesn't happen to us. There's another kind of pain that few people are willing to endure. It is the pain of growing, the pain of learning, and the pain of self-improvement. I also offer these from experience, no gratitude on your part is required.

It may be hard to think of pain as something we learn from. A common quote I hear from people who exercise, is "no pain, no gain". I prefer the quote "ignore pain, no brain". For the past 30 years, I have been forced to endure pain as the cost of membership in first the Army National Guard, and then the Army Reserve. For a short period after retiring in 2004, I avoided the pain, and the cost was high.

It is easy to come up with reasons to avoid the pain of exercise. I have a name for the alter ego who often fights me - "the excusinator". His sole purpose in my life is to stay in my mind, and look at the temperature, precipitation, Internet, fireplace, as well as any slight discomforts in my body. He then uses these to tell me a story that will keep me from getting off of the couch, hunt out my Vibram Five Fingers, and put in some miles. He also tries to hide my yoga mat, make my bicycles (fleet) look like medieval torture machines, and reminds me of the food that is at my disposal in our fridge.

Exercise hurts, and can be dangerous. At least that is what our excusinators tell us. Last year while bike commuting, a person pulled up next to me at a red light (I was making a left from the left lane - a novel concept), and he was going straight in the right lane. He said to me "that's dangerous, be careful". I replied "it's not as dangerous as not getting exercise, and the stress of sitting in a car in traffic". He paused for a moment, and then agreed with me.

I see many people who avoid pain by seeking pleasure. Their pleasure is in watching endless hours of television, eating junk food, and staying up late robbing their body of rest while doing this. The things they think bring them pleasure, actually bring them weight problems, family relationship issues, and the pain associated with these problems.

This past week, the American Heart Association asked us all to be aware of heart disease. Yet what is heart disease? It is a symptom of a laundry list of behavior-related health problems. Overeating, a sedentary lifestyle, Crackberry induced stress, and an insane level of distractions all add up to a health crisis. The American Heart Association lists 7 things to do decrease your likelihood of getting heart disease. But I have condensed these into two: be mindful of what goes in your body, and exercise.

After retiring from the Army Reserve in 2004, I stopped exercising, and threw myself into the pleasure side of life. I gained about 30 pounds, my asthma came back with a vengeance, my knees hurt, and I was not happy looking in the mirror. I expressed my concern to my honey one day, and she said "why don't you pretend you are a Soldier for the rest of your life?". So I did that. I resolved to be able to pass the Army Physical Fitness Test any day of the week. I realized it had to be a lifestyle, not a scheduled event.

Exercise hurts. But not nearly as much as the many issues you will face if you don't exercise. My first few exercise attempts were painful, and I had "the excusinator" running in full force. It was a rocky start, and I still occasionally have short periods where I succumb to life's temptations, and don't exercise. But I come back to it, and each time I come back to it I realize more how within 30 seconds of starting to exercise, my brain gives me some nice dopamine, and other natural chemicals that reward us for doing something good for us.

I used to run to see how fast I could get, and was disappointed when I wasn't improving. Then last year I started to just run for fun, and not let my running time matter. In a 5k last year, I tried running with a smile on my face. I set a personal record. Two weeks later I ran with the smile on again, and a funny thing happened. I beat my previous personal record.

I learned something from smiling while I ran. We will never be the best we can be at something until we truly enjoy it. It is in the enjoyment of an activity that we subconsciously apply the energy necessary to excel. So when I run, I never run at a pace that hurts, nor do I ride my bike at a pace that hurts. This doesn't mean that I hold back, it just means that I give my energy to the task at hand, but respect my body in the process. Ignore pain, no brain.

When on the mat doing yoga, I often feel pain. It can be a prolonged downward dog, or some difficult twist that causes the ligaments and tendons to implore the excusinator to petition me for release. But we learn what is a real pain, and what is a pain caused by our inner voice, and we settle into the pose, putting the excusinator on notice that it isn't allowed to control the body. As we teach ourselves this control of the inner voice, we experience the pleasure at the edge of pain. The sweet pleasure our body experiences as we return to a recovery position rewards us for the pain. And each time we practice, we recalibrate the limits of our body as well as our minds. The recalibration of our minds is where our growth comes from.

Life is all about our free will, and the choices we make. Are your choices creating a better life for you, or are they setting you up for the pain that has no reward of pleasure? 

The secret to happiness is - nothing

As Americans (or part of the connected civilization), we are constantly bombarded with marketing images telling us how to find happiness from purchasing products. A new car, cold soda, salted snack, or vacation on a cruise ship holds the key to our happiness. They want you to believe that happiness is only found in a tangible item, something we can see and touch.

There's a very interesting book I read recently titled "Buyology", where the author justified his manipulation of consumers' minds with the position that he was only unlocking our hidden desires  for useless junk. I recommend reading this book, so you will be forewarned to the dangers of the constant bombardment you are subjected to, and the subtle ways the marketers go for your neurological triggers. After reading this book, you may unplug the box.

In the early '80s a friend and I noticed that roads connected Alaska to NJ. Over the course of two months, this friend and I decided to drive to Alaska to see what it was like. We made the drive, and I stayed there a couple of years. He stayed longer.

There's no place like home

I lived in a cabin on the outskirts of Wasilla, and worked for a construction company. (No, I never met Sarah Palin.) For about 8 months I lived in the tiny village of Holy Cross. There were 470 people living in the village, with a mix of people with Yupik and Athabascan ancestries. There were also a few non-indigenous residents, and about 15 of us building houses. The houses we built were on "Housing Road", and "New Housing Road". "Housing Road" was built first, and "New Housing Road" was built second. If they expand the village, the new road will be named "New New Housing Road", or 'Newest Housing Road". Relativism is so simple, yet so difficult to keep going over time.

The only way in was the gravel runway
welcome to Holy Cross

During my time working there, I had the opportunity to interact with many of the locals. They were for the most part hardworking and decent people, with a few of the lowly types every town is afflicted with. On my rare days off,  I hunted duck and bear, and explored the mazes of the Yukon River with a couple friends of mine - Beanie and Walter. I provided the fuel, they provided the boat, engine, and buckets for bailing the water out of the leaky boat. Crossing the Yukon in bad weather, with a heavy chop was pretty exciting. We'd be in construction coveralls, with our pockets loaded with shotgun shells, and no flotation in site. Walter would have to vary the speed of the boat to keep us in the middle of the 4 foot troughs of glacial silt-filled water that rolled against the wind. Beanie and I would bail to keep the boat afloat. I shudder when I think back to these dangerous days.

I never could grow a 'stache

Carpenters and plumbers
waiting for flight 

As the construction project approached the winter, we could see that we'd be out of work in a few weeks, and would have to wait until the spring thaw to install more pilings into the permafrost. As my colleagues finished their work, they'd fly out of the gravel runway on one of our company planes, and our numbers would decrease. As our end date approached, an elderly woman in the village invited me to her home for coffee. She lived outside of the village, close to the river. I accepted the offer, and headed out.

When I arrived, she was a gracious hostess, kept my coffee cup filled, and served me some homemade cake. Her husband headed outside to get some wood, and the hostess quickly made me an offer. She had no money, but was wondering if I would be willing to trade my Mossberg 12 gauge shotgun for a Marten hat. Marten are valued for their gorgeous fur, and it was considered very stylish to have a Marten hat with multiple tails off of the back. I accepted the offer, and we made the trade. I still have the hat, and often take it out of the box to admire the fur.

After her husband returned with the wood, our conversation was around his memories of growing up. He remembered the white traders who came down the river, and that his father and uncles would take pot shots at them as they made their way past the village. One family name in the village was "Whitemankiller". This wasn't some ghetto rap name invented to look cool, it was history in a name.

Holy Cross, AK, 1984

As always, I get off topic as I open up the memories my mind is filled with. Now back to the story. One of the things he said to me was something I never really understood until much later in my life. He said that the people in the village didn't know they were poor until the white man arrived. Until then, the village was isolated, and lived off the land. Your hunting and fishing were your currency, and life was active and fulfilling. People worked together, and there was little jealousy or greed.

Looking around the village, I could see the two stores with all the junk food you'd need to destroy your health, a. gas station to fuel up your car to drive in endless circles around the village, satellite dishes to bring in the endless infotainment of television, and the regularly scheduled boat with the contraband alcohol loaded in the lock box. Alcohol was illegal in most Alaskan villages, and the smugglers would lock the booze up on their boat, requiring the State Police to get a search warrant to open the box. Getting a search warrant rarely happened when the nearest judge was hundreds of miles away. .

The day after the alcohol boat left, a gambler would show up on one of the small planes, organize some card games, and leave with all the money before the drunken villagers woke up from their drunken stupor. We had many of our locally hired craftsmen who came back to work broke, asking for advances or loans to feed their families.

I remembered the old man's story last week, as my honey and I relaxed on a Caribbean island. We were in a cottage without television, phone, cell signal, or any technical diversions. We lived to the rhythm of the day, enjoying books, time together, the view of the ocean and stars, the hikes along the ocean cliffs and in the forests, and walking barefoot on secluded beaches, as well as swimming in the clear and refreshing waters. We were happy and relaxed. We talked about our past, the present, and the future. We wondered if we could spend the rest of (our hopefully long) life in this rhythm. We acknowledged that a year or more ago, we couldn't do this. But now life is different, and we can envision a life at a slower pace, enjoying the simple pleasures.

Our daily happiness should be based on simple criteria, and not on stuff we accumulate. Health, love, shelter, food, and warmth are pretty simple areas that we should look to for our happiness. Everything else is just a potential distraction. Happiness comes from the intangibles in life, the things we can't touch physically. "When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose", Mick Jagger may have sang the secret to happiness long ago.

What makes you happy? Is it things you can touch, or is it things you can only experience?

Keep the drama in the box

I love a good drama. A good drama is one where we are pulled in during the telling of a story, and we feel a connection to the people or cause the drama represents.


Last Friday night my honey and I attended a local play, "The Cocktail Hour" at Bergen Players in Oradell, (Click here for a synopsis of the play). It was great to see the drama from the fourth row, and the play was as it should be. It had a great cast, great story line, and a gorgeous set. One of the great things about a drama, is that we can purchase a ticket, show up at the theater, sit in our seat, and watch the story unfold. The story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. When we leave a drama, parts of the story leave an impression, and we ponder the story line. This is how a drama should be. Neatly organized, delivered, and finished. But it's just a story. Someone else's. Not ours.

I am a student of people watching, and observer of what happens around me. It's one of my super powers, along with a facetious wit (sometimes confused with sarcasm), and a few other superpowers I will save for later blogs. Observing people is a lot of fun, and with practice can assist us in analyzing our interactions.

An observation I made a couple of years ago was that many of us live in drama. I used to be one of these people. Actually, I still am in some ways, but am working on it... My life was the interconnection of many dramas, all playing out around me, with me as the victim/protagonist/hero/bit-part-player of the dramas. Every interaction had an emotional story attached to it. Everything I experienced in life was part of the drama. I was the drama.

Then one day I stepped back and looked at myself. I took the time to listen to my inner voice. We all have this inner voice, and the uniqueness of being human is that we can "listen" to our inner voice. As far as we know, trees and cats don't have an inner voice. If you disagree with this, please do so in the comments section of this blog. This inner voice is what drives our internal drama, and has a tremendous impact on how we perceive the world. Try it out. Right now your inner voice is talking, and you are able to keep reading this while your inner voice delivers a monologue. The monologue may be something like this - "what a bunch of bull stuff", "this guy has lost his mind", "where did I leave my car keys", or "I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I did that last Saturday night" ... just admit it is happening. Because it is. This voice is the narrator of the drama, connecting unrelated items into your story line.

Many people I know get caught up in the dramas, and miss out on the opportunities to truly experience life. I know people who invest all of their time in trying to convince others to live how they do, trying to force them into some conformity they have adopted for themselves. This is their drama. Others go through life as the victim, ranting about what so-and-so did to them, and how unfair life is.

We all know people who complain incessantly about some aspect of their life, whether it be their job, their boss, their relationship with their spouse, their siblings, bad drivers, or George Bush. This constant monologue robs the person of enjoyment, and when they suck other people into their drama, they rob others of their enjoyment.


As humans, our minds are wired to gravitate to the bad outcomes, and the bad storylines. A lump on our leg becomes cancer, our over consumption of caffeine heart flutters are an impending heart attack, a person not responding to an e-mail doesn’t like us anymore, and the list goes on. This is all part of the drama our inner voice tries to distract us with.

Every day we are faced with the choice between experiencing life - as it happens, enjoying the gift; or spending our time living the drama our inner voice creates for us. Each day we can choose to notice the people around us, the colors of the trees, the wind on our face, the beauty of the moment, the smell of the season; or allow our minds to take us somewhere else. That place where we live the never-ending drama.

Changing your inner voice by having it "SHUT UP ALREADY!" will get you out of the drama, and into living your life in the present. Once the drama is gone from your life, it is much easier to enjoy the dramas on stage, and in the life-sucking television (a topic for another blog). So now I enjoy the drama in the box and on the stage, but work hard to keep it out of my life. How's your drama?