"What do you want out of this interaction?" I wondered this as I watched the argument unfold at the counter of a local chocolate storeon Saturday. I was being the Easter Bunny, and true to form, I waited until the day before Easter to shop. I was the next in line to pay. The woman in front of me vented her anger on the person behind the counter.
From what I could figure out in the conversation, the woman had purchased $240 worth of chocolate. She carried it out to her car and put it in. With her treasure trove of chocolate safely in her car, she reviewed her receipt, and realized that she had been overcharged by $20. She had come back into the store, and asked for a refund on the amount she was overcharged. She was asked where her purchases were. She said they were in her car. They asked to see the purchases. She refused.
The manager (or maybe owner) was on the other side of the counter. He was trying to figure out how to deal with the woman's issues. She was elevating her tone of voice. I was standing there feeling my blood pressure kick up a notch. I just wanted to pay and leave.
The woman explained her position. The mistake was the fault of the stupid employees of the company. She was a victim of being overcharged, and wanted her credit card credited for the overcharge. She would not tolerate the store's request to ask her any questions. Questions were accusations, and she is a loyal customer.
The store manager explained his position. He couldn't just give her money. She should have paid attention while her stuff was rung up, and the woman didn't have to be so derogatory.
The woman explained that she was only being derogatory because the manager and the stupid employees were derogatory to her, and she had a right to be derogatory since she was wronged by the stupid employees. The problem was the store's problems, not her problems.
An employee jumped in to help, by pointing out that the customer could have come in a few days earlier for her purchases, and the employees would have had more time to offer the woman the level of service she demanded.
The customer's spine got stiffer, and her tone became more high-pitched. This was an ugly scene on what should have been a joyous and thankful weekend. As I was finally being helped by the cashier, the two people were still arguing over who was wrong, and who was right. The manager had already refunded the money based on the woman's word. As I turned to leave, I loudly wished everyone a joyous weekend, and peace. The sales person smiled knowingly at me, and the two arguers continued to make their points, apparently unmoved by the negative attitude they were pushing to the crowd of customers.
I left the store with a feeling of agitation. I was experiencing incongruence in what I witnessed. A woman had purchased gifts for people she cared for from a local business. I wondered what was driving her to act the way she was acting, and what her expectations were related to the exchange with the manager/owner. I then thought about what the manager/owner wanted from the exchange.
Neither of them were approaching the conflict from a place of empathy and understanding of the other person's position. They both appeared to be more interested in creating a win-lose situation. One person wins, one loses. One is right, one is wrong. I used to live in that zone, so I can totally relate to what was going through the minds of both parties. My desire to jump into the fray was a remnant of who I used to be. I am happy I was able to control myself, but unhappy that I felt agitated from observing them. I wandered around Westwood window shopping as I pondered what could have been a better scene.
The customer could have approached this from the perspective that the store employees were very busy, ringing people up every few seconds. Mistakes happen, and she understood. Would the manager like to come to her car and see what she purchased do he could determine how to fix the situation? She could have trusted in the goodness of others.
The manager could have understood that the customer is always right, until they are wrong. He could have started with an apology, offered to come to the customer's car to see what she had purchased, and focused completely on resolving the customer's issue. He could have acknowledged that his employees work hard, and may have made a mistake. He could have made it clear that his business was based on being fair, and the situation would be taken care of. Give her a free piece of chocolate.
It took a few hours for me think through what I observed. I hoped that the customer didn't pass out her angst with the chocolate gifts. Tainting a gift with the bad mood that was felt when it was purchased can't make the gift feel like a blessing.
If a gift is purchased from love, it should be purchased lovingly. We are the way we are due to our upbringing, and how we think. We should provide a positive example of how to shop for loved ones, so those that observe us, will hopefully learn to do the same. When we are feeling our anger increase in a situation, think of what the loving thing to do is. And do that. The actions we take in anger will only lead to more anger.
How do you control your irritation when things don't go your way?
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From what I could figure out in the conversation, the woman had purchased $240 worth of chocolate. She carried it out to her car and put it in. With her treasure trove of chocolate safely in her car, she reviewed her receipt, and realized that she had been overcharged by $20. She had come back into the store, and asked for a refund on the amount she was overcharged. She was asked where her purchases were. She said they were in her car. They asked to see the purchases. She refused.
The manager (or maybe owner) was on the other side of the counter. He was trying to figure out how to deal with the woman's issues. She was elevating her tone of voice. I was standing there feeling my blood pressure kick up a notch. I just wanted to pay and leave.
The woman explained her position. The mistake was the fault of the stupid employees of the company. She was a victim of being overcharged, and wanted her credit card credited for the overcharge. She would not tolerate the store's request to ask her any questions. Questions were accusations, and she is a loyal customer.
The store manager explained his position. He couldn't just give her money. She should have paid attention while her stuff was rung up, and the woman didn't have to be so derogatory.
The woman explained that she was only being derogatory because the manager and the stupid employees were derogatory to her, and she had a right to be derogatory since she was wronged by the stupid employees. The problem was the store's problems, not her problems.
An employee jumped in to help, by pointing out that the customer could have come in a few days earlier for her purchases, and the employees would have had more time to offer the woman the level of service she demanded.
The customer's spine got stiffer, and her tone became more high-pitched. This was an ugly scene on what should have been a joyous and thankful weekend. As I was finally being helped by the cashier, the two people were still arguing over who was wrong, and who was right. The manager had already refunded the money based on the woman's word. As I turned to leave, I loudly wished everyone a joyous weekend, and peace. The sales person smiled knowingly at me, and the two arguers continued to make their points, apparently unmoved by the negative attitude they were pushing to the crowd of customers.
I left the store with a feeling of agitation. I was experiencing incongruence in what I witnessed. A woman had purchased gifts for people she cared for from a local business. I wondered what was driving her to act the way she was acting, and what her expectations were related to the exchange with the manager/owner. I then thought about what the manager/owner wanted from the exchange.
Neither of them were approaching the conflict from a place of empathy and understanding of the other person's position. They both appeared to be more interested in creating a win-lose situation. One person wins, one loses. One is right, one is wrong. I used to live in that zone, so I can totally relate to what was going through the minds of both parties. My desire to jump into the fray was a remnant of who I used to be. I am happy I was able to control myself, but unhappy that I felt agitated from observing them. I wandered around Westwood window shopping as I pondered what could have been a better scene.
The customer could have approached this from the perspective that the store employees were very busy, ringing people up every few seconds. Mistakes happen, and she understood. Would the manager like to come to her car and see what she purchased do he could determine how to fix the situation? She could have trusted in the goodness of others.
The manager could have understood that the customer is always right, until they are wrong. He could have started with an apology, offered to come to the customer's car to see what she had purchased, and focused completely on resolving the customer's issue. He could have acknowledged that his employees work hard, and may have made a mistake. He could have made it clear that his business was based on being fair, and the situation would be taken care of. Give her a free piece of chocolate.
It took a few hours for me think through what I observed. I hoped that the customer didn't pass out her angst with the chocolate gifts. Tainting a gift with the bad mood that was felt when it was purchased can't make the gift feel like a blessing.
If a gift is purchased from love, it should be purchased lovingly. We are the way we are due to our upbringing, and how we think. We should provide a positive example of how to shop for loved ones, so those that observe us, will hopefully learn to do the same. When we are feeling our anger increase in a situation, think of what the loving thing to do is. And do that. The actions we take in anger will only lead to more anger.
How do you control your irritation when things don't go your way?
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